i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
