Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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