did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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