listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
