You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
