He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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