margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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