i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
