I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
