my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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