Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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