Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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