just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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