yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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