i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
