Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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