cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
false alarm. still invincible.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
