So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
