6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
