just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
