he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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