i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
