Your tits are I can't wait for
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
