i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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