after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
