His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize