he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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