please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
