I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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