I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
