Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The power of my boobs compel you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
