Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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