I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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