Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
