hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
