I think I died a long time ago.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
