My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
