I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
