Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
