I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
