Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
