Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
