I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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