A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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