Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
