Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
