The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
