friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
