I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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