i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
