You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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