Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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