We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
