You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
