No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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