Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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