so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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