we have pet lesbian snakes
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
