You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
