We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
