i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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