ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
