Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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