That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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