idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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