Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
