That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
