Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
false alarm. still invincible.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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