Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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